In May, 2011 - not long after I started this blog and only three weeks after losing my dayjob - I noted that "very very very few arguments with the universe come out in favor of the little guy..."
I would like to continue that thought - and I'd LOVE to get feedback from others out there who've felt pummeled by fate, bullied by life, and ravaged by circumstances.
Here we are, a full nine months after I posted "Zombie Apocalypse". Despite many possibilities for both of us (several prospects even looking like "sure things" after interviews & "inside tracks"), our family of 4 still (barely) survives on unemployment. Uhhhh... as well as the liquidation of retirement and kids' college funds.
When I lost my dayjob, I decided I was tired of doing things that didn't excite me creatively and wanted to do everything I could to find that missing piece of myself. Out there. Somewhere. But I'm no social butterfly (that's my daughter). When I look in the mirror, I see myself as a little, ugly, green & gooey caterpillar inside a claustrophobic chrysalis. It was that last visit with HR that kicked me over the edge - suddenly, I couldn't WAIT to burst forth as a beautiful and flourishing butterfly... and so I became a networker! I put myself further out on a limb than ever before, talking to people, volunteering my time, going to events, interacting with groups as never before.
I won't say that networking's been easy - it's always nice to have a wingman (yes, Michael Lee Barlin, I'm talkin' to you! ;-). Because behind my (nearly) perpetual grin is a kid who's still scared, uncomfortable as hell selling himself and his talents. Like many writers, I'm content to close myself in a room and pound away at the keyboard until the sun doesn't shine (or til it shines again ;-).
But, I gotta say... as a result of my newfound extrovert, I've had AMAZING experiences, met and engaged with AMAZING people in a wide variety of circumstances. And for that, I have only UNEMPLOYMENT to thank...
(Ohhh... if only that paid the bills)
As I watch the ticker go down on the bank account with rent, car, insurance, utilities, food, and gas, breathing down my neck once again, it's hard not to feel bullied by the universe: it wasn't bad enough losing 60% of our household income when I lost my dayjob? It wasn't bad enough that exactly 3 weeks later, the other 40% went bye-bye when my wife was laid off? Dammit, Universe, you've had your way with me already!! Move on!! Go!! Bye Bye!! Don't let the friggin' black hole suck you dry on your way out!!
It was late last week - not long after I reiterated my earlier line about the Universe to a They Live Among Us actor - that I found myself posting to Facebook & Twitter: "
Monday, January 30, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
The Lowest Common Denominator
I blame Jerry Springer.
In 1994 - in the name of ratings, of course - the former politician & Phil Donahue impersonator decided to regularly drag his "talk show" (and its guests and audience) through the sludge at the bottom of the barrel. And a new type of show was born: The Lowest Common Denominator. For a while, backbiting and fistfights were reserved ONLY for The Jerry Springer Show. If you were under-educated and had a beef with someone, typically you had (and still have) a really good shot at your 15 minutes of fame on Jerry's show. But these days, you have a lot more chances to launch that fame - maybe even get your own show! - and drag out your fame to 26.87269 minutes worth (e.g. the KarmaKarmaKarmaKarmaKarmaKardashians).
Now, I'm a writer. I understand that entertainment is typically borne out of conflict. In (most) movies & TV, you don't have a bunch of people just sitting around doing nothing. Yes - even SEINFELD, the TV show "about nothing" revolved around some sort of conflict. By definition, both media launch from the notion that things get worse before they get better.
But there's a HUGE difference between scripted, FICTIONAL entertainment, and its unscripted, "non-fiction" red-headed stepbrother. What we (audience included) have effected from this 17+ year tango with "real" conflict is a generation of Kardashians: people whose obsession with celebrity pretty much gives them license to be bad and/or to create conflict where conflict may not necessarily exist, up to and including 72-day sham marriages.
Nowadays we have everything from "Real" Housewives to the Snookie Situation (and everything in between) to keep us entertained. Tattoo bars, baby tiaras, outwitters/outplayers/outlasters... The list goes on. Not a day goes by when there isn't a block of programs featuring mud-flinging, bottom-of-the-barrel-dragging real(ly artificial) "reality" playing out in front of the cameras for the promise of fame and (mis)fortune.
What's funny is that - when placed in the field of today's reality fare - Jerry's 1-hour block looks relatively tame....
<<<Filling the spreadsheet, one "real" cell at a time.>>>
In 1994 - in the name of ratings, of course - the former politician & Phil Donahue impersonator decided to regularly drag his "talk show" (and its guests and audience) through the sludge at the bottom of the barrel. And a new type of show was born: The Lowest Common Denominator. For a while, backbiting and fistfights were reserved ONLY for The Jerry Springer Show. If you were under-educated and had a beef with someone, typically you had (and still have) a really good shot at your 15 minutes of fame on Jerry's show. But these days, you have a lot more chances to launch that fame - maybe even get your own show! - and drag out your fame to 26.87269 minutes worth (e.g. the KarmaKarmaKarmaKarmaKarmaKardashians).
Now, I'm a writer. I understand that entertainment is typically borne out of conflict. In (most) movies & TV, you don't have a bunch of people just sitting around doing nothing. Yes - even SEINFELD, the TV show "about nothing" revolved around some sort of conflict. By definition, both media launch from the notion that things get worse before they get better.
But there's a HUGE difference between scripted, FICTIONAL entertainment, and its unscripted, "non-fiction" red-headed stepbrother. What we (audience included) have effected from this 17+ year tango with "real" conflict is a generation of Kardashians: people whose obsession with celebrity pretty much gives them license to be bad and/or to create conflict where conflict may not necessarily exist, up to and including 72-day sham marriages.
Nowadays we have everything from "Real" Housewives to the Snookie Situation (and everything in between) to keep us entertained. Tattoo bars, baby tiaras, outwitters/outplayers/outlasters... The list goes on. Not a day goes by when there isn't a block of programs featuring mud-flinging, bottom-of-the-barrel-dragging real(ly artificial) "reality" playing out in front of the cameras for the promise of fame and (mis)fortune.
What's funny is that - when placed in the field of today's reality fare - Jerry's 1-hour block looks relatively tame....
<<<Filling the spreadsheet, one "real" cell at a time.>>>
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The "What-Ifs" of Life
I'll preface (there's that word again! :-) this post by mentioning the conventional wisdom of knowing history so we aren't doomed to repeat it. But then there are those little ditties that tell us not to look back, especially if there's regret involved. So what the hell is a soul to do?!?!
With as many little paths as we cross... Strike that - with as many forks in the road as we typically come to, it's difficult not to think back to the path which we took and the consequences (good AND bad) of those decisions.
For me, it's fascinating to think back to that early summer day when I was 8 - if I HADN'T been utterly clueless and gone "tiptoeing through my neighbor's tulips", would I have become a writer?
Others in my past involve a bottle and a "gopher gasser"; being a mortgage brat; a slow dance with the date of a trombone-playing friend; impromptu, rage-filled trips to Nowheresville my senior year of high school...
Then there's a big one - one that's defined life for us for more than 4 years now. Believe me - not a day goes by that I'm not reminded of that nice older realtor couple who helped us buy our first real HOUSE just before our daughter was born. The couple who handled everything, who treated us like family, who helped us get our piece of the American dream. It was three short years later that I found myself SCREAMING into the phone and hanging up on them, never to speak with them (at least, in PRIVATE) again. At that point in time - unbeknownst to us - they were running from the Feds, and the noose was tightening around them. Turns out they'd forged and/or falsified some documents and swindled HUNDREDS - by my estimation - out of their life savings and homes (both events for us, thank you very much).
With each of these forks came new paths - sure, some were fraught with peril and disaster, but some led pretty incredible places. I find myself considering the alternatives. I mean after all, this is life: that spreadsheet laid out before us has GARGANTUAN formulas plugged into it, most of which no one could EVER hope to conceivably understand.
I don't think I'd be exaggerating if I said that each day of life adds another 15-20 cells to our "Master" sheet; each with complex IF/THEN statements written into them, pulling from another 15-20 cells throughout the spreadsheet. If we "simply" re-entered (i.e. "corrected" or "modified") one of those "little" cells anywhere in that sheet, how many cells would change or - worst-case - DISAPPEAR ALTOGETHER, altering some significant portion of our lives? It's the Back to the Future scenario: would I erase myself (or anyone else I knew) from existence by simply "fixing" one of life's little hiccups? I mean, it'd be so easy to go back and say "no" to so many of these circumstances. Certainly, by getting a "do-over", we could save ourselves so much grief, shame, heartache, anger, etc. Right?
As I ponder those little "What-Ifs" of life, I imagine that ginormous spreadsheet laid out before me.
And I steel myself.
I focus on the new cells - the cells that contain the values and formulas of TODAY, and I continue my journey....
With as many little paths as we cross... Strike that - with as many forks in the road as we typically come to, it's difficult not to think back to the path which we took and the consequences (good AND bad) of those decisions.
For me, it's fascinating to think back to that early summer day when I was 8 - if I HADN'T been utterly clueless and gone "tiptoeing through my neighbor's tulips", would I have become a writer?
Others in my past involve a bottle and a "gopher gasser"; being a mortgage brat; a slow dance with the date of a trombone-playing friend; impromptu, rage-filled trips to Nowheresville my senior year of high school...
Then there's a big one - one that's defined life for us for more than 4 years now. Believe me - not a day goes by that I'm not reminded of that nice older realtor couple who helped us buy our first real HOUSE just before our daughter was born. The couple who handled everything, who treated us like family, who helped us get our piece of the American dream. It was three short years later that I found myself SCREAMING into the phone and hanging up on them, never to speak with them (at least, in PRIVATE) again. At that point in time - unbeknownst to us - they were running from the Feds, and the noose was tightening around them. Turns out they'd forged and/or falsified some documents and swindled HUNDREDS - by my estimation - out of their life savings and homes (both events for us, thank you very much).
With each of these forks came new paths - sure, some were fraught with peril and disaster, but some led pretty incredible places. I find myself considering the alternatives. I mean after all, this is life: that spreadsheet laid out before us has GARGANTUAN formulas plugged into it, most of which no one could EVER hope to conceivably understand.
I don't think I'd be exaggerating if I said that each day of life adds another 15-20 cells to our "Master" sheet; each with complex IF/THEN statements written into them, pulling from another 15-20 cells throughout the spreadsheet. If we "simply" re-entered (i.e. "corrected" or "modified") one of those "little" cells anywhere in that sheet, how many cells would change or - worst-case - DISAPPEAR ALTOGETHER, altering some significant portion of our lives? It's the Back to the Future scenario: would I erase myself (or anyone else I knew) from existence by simply "fixing" one of life's little hiccups? I mean, it'd be so easy to go back and say "no" to so many of these circumstances. Certainly, by getting a "do-over", we could save ourselves so much grief, shame, heartache, anger, etc. Right?
As I ponder those little "What-Ifs" of life, I imagine that ginormous spreadsheet laid out before me.
And I steel myself.
I focus on the new cells - the cells that contain the values and formulas of TODAY, and I continue my journey....
Sunday, January 8, 2012
OK - I know I'm a little late...
Way back in June, 2011, when I still had a bit of time on my hands, I declared publicly that I would (attempt to) start blogging on a weekly basis. So... yeah... a couple things changed along the way and I never QUITE got around to doing that. Then again, you probably already know that. 'Cause you've stared at blank pages on this site week after week, month after month, finally throwing your hands in the air and walking away, writing me off as just another one of "those" bloggers. I'm a bit perturbed with myself for what must be a massive letdown for the legion of readers who have hung on my every thought since the very beginning (note tongue planted firmly in cheek here). I bow before you, red-faced, in the most sincerest gesture of humility...
But it hasn't been a complete failure. And I'd like to catch you up a little.
But first: a little background. When I suddenly found myself unemployed in early May, I also had two school-aged children finishing the school year in Ventura County (where I also used to work); we felt that, with just one month to go in the school year, it was silly to uproot the kids and put them in new schools. So I shuttled them to school in the mornings, then whiled away those seven hours, awash in free WiFi at Starbucks, McD's, and Borders (RIP). Now, don't get me wrong... I loved having that time. I was able to make calls, send email, research jobs, get a little writing done (this blog and otherwise), and NETWORK to find The Next Big Thing. Little did I know that, as I became the little networker that I'd never EVER been before, I was opening up new possibilities. CREATIVE possibilities, which I'd desperately longed for for YEARS.
One thing has led to another - I was lunching with fellow writers & filmmakers, volunteered at the Inktip Pitch Summit, and finished a rewrite on QUANTA - a thriller I'm starting to fashion into my feature directorial debut. I've found that the more I open myself up to possibilities, the more possibilities open up to me!
Then one day, as I wandered the groups on LinkedIn, I stumbled across a post in the Save The Cat group from Anne Lower: "Check out my crowdfunding campaign on Kickstarter!" I went over to the site, read all about this goth/noir/horror piece called They Live Among Us, and felt her pain as I read about how she, too, was tired of just sitting around waiting for something to happen with her projects. I immediately found myself contacting Anne. It wasn't long before she and I met up IRL for lunch, and we were off to the races on this little project! While TLAU has been a crash-course in new-world filmmaking, it - and pep talks from other filmmakers, writers, etc. - started proving to me that there was simply no excuse why we shouldn't ALL be doing something like this.
If you have a creative bone in your body, standing (sitting) idle is simply unacceptable.
(Unless you really don't want it)
Now, go forth fellow spreadsheeters. Concatinate. V-Lookup. Do it all.
You may just find that your bottom line will be far, far greater than the sum of its parts!
But it hasn't been a complete failure. And I'd like to catch you up a little.
But first: a little background. When I suddenly found myself unemployed in early May, I also had two school-aged children finishing the school year in Ventura County (where I also used to work); we felt that, with just one month to go in the school year, it was silly to uproot the kids and put them in new schools. So I shuttled them to school in the mornings, then whiled away those seven hours, awash in free WiFi at Starbucks, McD's, and Borders (RIP). Now, don't get me wrong... I loved having that time. I was able to make calls, send email, research jobs, get a little writing done (this blog and otherwise), and NETWORK to find The Next Big Thing. Little did I know that, as I became the little networker that I'd never EVER been before, I was opening up new possibilities. CREATIVE possibilities, which I'd desperately longed for for YEARS.
One thing has led to another - I was lunching with fellow writers & filmmakers, volunteered at the Inktip Pitch Summit, and finished a rewrite on QUANTA - a thriller I'm starting to fashion into my feature directorial debut. I've found that the more I open myself up to possibilities, the more possibilities open up to me!
Then one day, as I wandered the groups on LinkedIn, I stumbled across a post in the Save The Cat group from Anne Lower: "Check out my crowdfunding campaign on Kickstarter!" I went over to the site, read all about this goth/noir/horror piece called They Live Among Us, and felt her pain as I read about how she, too, was tired of just sitting around waiting for something to happen with her projects. I immediately found myself contacting Anne. It wasn't long before she and I met up IRL for lunch, and we were off to the races on this little project! While TLAU has been a crash-course in new-world filmmaking, it - and pep talks from other filmmakers, writers, etc. - started proving to me that there was simply no excuse why we shouldn't ALL be doing something like this.
If you have a creative bone in your body, standing (sitting) idle is simply unacceptable.
(Unless you really don't want it)
Now, go forth fellow spreadsheeters. Concatinate. V-Lookup. Do it all.
You may just find that your bottom line will be far, far greater than the sum of its parts!
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