Zombie Apocalypse

WOW...  Three weeks - two major curve balls.  To continue the baseball analogy, I've been hit by BOTH and haven't been given a walk by the ump.  Now, it's not my style to argue with the ump - after all, in this instance, the ump is the universe, and I've found very very very few arguments with the universe come out in favor of the little guy...

Losing nearly 60% of a household income is devastating enough, but the last 40% was wiped out on Friday.  That's right...  three weeks to the day after I lost my job, my wife lost hers.  As you can imagine, it's been a bit difficult to remain objective over the last few days....

Let me assure you - we're avoiding negativity, sharp knives, and booze for the next few weeks.  For the children...

The good news is that we had an opportunity to prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse before the proverbial doodoo hit the fan.  Adding that to our stockpile of potassium iodide (one a day keeps the glow away!)...  We have 995 rolls of gold foil  - the guy at the door told us it'll be worth more than our gold bars AND Iraqi dinars COMBINED - plus, he said we can use it for our foil caps when the Psychic Friends Against Recycling Turtles invade the Earth on 11/12/13.

I'll tell you - chucking it all is looking better and better!!

Still waiting for the cells on the spreadsheet of my life to calculate...  Damn thing's been running really slow when I started plugging all these new cells in.

Good news is that that little lizard guy helped me save $400 a year on my car insurance.  Bad news is the little Australian bugger just drove off with the Sienna (paid for) after he backed into the Rav (not paid for).  He's fast as hell - and surprisingly agile behind the wheel of a full-sized vehicle, even with the Highway Patrol chasing him while he's texting, talking NON-HANDS-FREE on his Blackberry, and eating too much marmite on toast....

Yeah, there have been some dark places over the years, but I've tried to keep my sense of humor and positive outlook.

Windows, doors, universe, blah blah blah, yada yada yada.

I have no intention whatsoever of ending up in another dark place, certainly won't write myself into some dingy jail like the Seinfeld quartet.  Talk about a disappointing whimper.  No...  I'm going out with my humor and positivity ablazing.  Screw it all!  So, here it goes...

There's a priest and a 12-year-old lawyer holed up in the rectory (author's note:  I always find this term amusing when speaking of priests).  The cops are pounding on the door, demanding that the priest come out and face the music.  The 12-year-old lawyer looks at the pathetic priest and says, "I'll get you off."

How's that for starters????



"The report of my death was an exaggeration."  Mark Twain, 1897